If we didn't laugh, we'd all go insane

Oops, too late. :o)

I'm having a pretty low day -- doesn't seem to be any particular reason, some days are just like that -- and I badly want to turn on the TV. So I'm trying something different, and surfing the web for funnies to cheer me up. Here are my favorite finds.

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If TV addicts anonymous exists, I should go ... but I'd probably miss something good on.

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I went to a Procrastinators Anonymous meeting, but no one showed up.

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Two men are drinking in a bar on the 40th floor of a skyscraper. They're both totally plastered. The first man points to a nearby window and says to the other, "Hey, I'll bet you a million bucks I can jump out that window, fly around the building, and land right back here next to you." The second man, knowing a sure bet when he hears one and with his common sense alcoholically erased, replies, "You're on!"

So the first man jumps out the window, flies around the building, comes back through the window and lands on feet next to the second man. "WOW!" screams the second man. "That was incredible! Do it again!"

So the first man once again jumps out the window, flies around the building, returns, and lands next to the second man, who exclaims, "That's absolutely amazing. Do it one more time!" The first man replies, "OK, but when I come back you have to do it too." The second man agrees, so the first man makes his third flight around the building and returns.

The second man steps up to the window, proclaiming, "This is so easy! He did it and so can I." Juiced and pumped, he takes a deep breath and leaps out the window. He plummets straight to the ground, where he smashes into the pavement and dies instantly.

The first man calmly walks back to the bar, sits on his stool, and orders another beer. As he pours the beer, the bartender sadly looks at the first man, shakes his head, and says, "You're a mean drunk, Superman."

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You know you're an addict when your personal story won't fit on your brand new computer with an 80 gig hard drive.

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Note: in 12-Step programs, a sponsor is a person who is farther ahead in the recovery process than a sponsee, and gives the sponsee guidance and feedback.

A man in a hot air balloon realizes that he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man below. He goes closer and yells out, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend that I would meet him a half and hour ago, but I don't know where I am!"

The man below says, "Yes, you are in a hot air balloon, hovering about thirty feet above the ground. You are at latitude 42 degrees north and longitude 58 degrees west."

"You must be a sponsor," said the man in the balloon.

"I am," replies the man on the ground, "How did you know?"

"Well," he says to the sponsor, "everything you have told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is that I am still lost."

"You must be a sponsee," the man on the ground stated.

"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the balloonist.

"Well," replies the sponsor, "you do not know where you are or where you are going. You have made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is, you have the same problem you had when we met except now it is somehow my fault."

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A social drinker, a problem drinker, and a alcoholic are sitting at a bar. The bartender serves them the exact same drink, and each drink has a fly in it. How do you tell which is the alkie, the problem drinker, and the social drinker?

The social drinker pushes away the drink with the fly and asks the bartender for a Diet Coke. The problem drinker asks the bartender to give him another drink without the fly. The alcoholic is the one who has the fly by the nape of the neck, yelling, "Spit it out, damn you!"

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And finally this story, which isn't exactly humorous, but I thought of it as I was writing. Appropriately, it's from a TV show, The West Wing. Leo McGarry, White House Chief of Staff, tells this story to Josh Lyman, his deputy, by way of telling him that he won't be fired for a recent blunder. For me this is the essence of why addicts can help other addicts to recover when non-addicts often can't, and I've retold it many times. (Thanks to the West Wing Unofficial Continuity Guide for the exact transcription.)

This guy's walking down the street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can't get out. A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up, "Hey you. Can you help me out?" The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up, "Father, I'm down in this hole can you help me out?" The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a friend walks by, "Hey, Joe, it's me can you help me out?" And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, "Are you stupid? Now we're both down here." The friend says, "Yeah, but I've been down here before and I know the way out."